That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
