In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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