you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
