I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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