im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
