But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I'm really busy with my period
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