ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
