i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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