Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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