Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
