it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
