my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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