"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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