yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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