The maid of honor just puked.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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