my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
