i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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