Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
