Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize