brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
