i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
