I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
