We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
even my farts smell like vagina
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
