im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
