Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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