you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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