This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Porn is love you can see.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
