i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
