In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
