I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
