My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He has the fingertips of a God
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
