Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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