david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
