Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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