I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
