my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
