I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
