Sry I called you an 8
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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