i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
