Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
