I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize