**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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