I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
