i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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