ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
