if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need moral support for this bender
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
