My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
