I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
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Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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