If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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