Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
