Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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