He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
