I didn't shave. On purpose
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
