i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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