There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
