Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
