It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
