Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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