I puked a lego.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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