I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall