i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sext me about skeletons