I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house