I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.